As an interior designer + organizer, the perspective that a mess is just a home breathing is a masterclass in giving yourself grace.
It shifts the entire conversation from a personal failure to a structural design puzzle. When we stop treating the drift with shame and start treating it with a well-placed basket, we completely change how a family experiences their home. Thank you for this 🤍
A lot of my housekeeping woes seemed to stem from the fact that for many years I didn't understand "drift" and had a hard time distinguishing between "normal signs of living in a house" with "this is a mess and needs to be cleaned up ASAP."
I'd clean the house, it would look perfect for an hour or two, and then the normal signs of living would reappear and I would freak out because IT WAS A MESS AGAIN, WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT OF ALL THAT WORK?
I would veer between hypervigilance and freaking out if a pillow on the couch was not at the correct 45-degree angle (extremely exhausting!) and utter slovenliness because WHY EVEN BOTHER, IT JUST GETS MESSY AGAIN IMMEDIATELY.
I suppose this is due to my ADHD; people with ADHD are prone to all-or-nothing mindsets and have a hard time with the idea of maintaining order. We either clean ALL THE THINGS or NONE OF THE THINGS.
It took me many, many years to realize that there is a "good enough" spot where things are clean and reasonably orderly, but it isn't going to be 100% spotless and perfect - and it requires constant management to stay clean and reasonably orderly.
We work out of our home...so there is always something. Now, I take a small area, this morning it was the medicine cabinet. That's it. Yes, dishes after cooking or eating. Tomorrow I will take a drawer and do it, or the next day.
It seems to me that this essay describes a tidy home as opposed to a clean home. From my perspective, tidy means the stuff and clutter are put back in their proper spots whereas clean means all the grit and grime has been swept and wiped away.
When I was balancing a career and raising young children I adopted a "good enough" approach to cleaning and tidying rather than striving for perfection. I also felt that since we all contributed to creating the mess, we all needed to contribute to tidying and cleaning. It freed up a lot of time and head space so that I could focus on other things, like spending time with my children.
The toy-corner example is exactly the kind of feedback I wish parents felt allowed to trust.
For babies and toddlers, the "mess that talks" is often the movement setup too: if the same basket, cushion, or pull-up spot keeps migrating to the living room, the room may be telling you where the real play practice already happens.
You are supposed to design your house to function so that there is a mess allowable. You are supposed to be able to live in your home without constantly having to pick up an organize all of the time everything has a place and everyone in your home should know that everything has a place but it’s OK if it’s missing from that place and then it makes it art.
As an interior designer + organizer, the perspective that a mess is just a home breathing is a masterclass in giving yourself grace.
It shifts the entire conversation from a personal failure to a structural design puzzle. When we stop treating the drift with shame and start treating it with a well-placed basket, we completely change how a family experiences their home. Thank you for this 🤍
A lot of my housekeeping woes seemed to stem from the fact that for many years I didn't understand "drift" and had a hard time distinguishing between "normal signs of living in a house" with "this is a mess and needs to be cleaned up ASAP."
I'd clean the house, it would look perfect for an hour or two, and then the normal signs of living would reappear and I would freak out because IT WAS A MESS AGAIN, WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT OF ALL THAT WORK?
I would veer between hypervigilance and freaking out if a pillow on the couch was not at the correct 45-degree angle (extremely exhausting!) and utter slovenliness because WHY EVEN BOTHER, IT JUST GETS MESSY AGAIN IMMEDIATELY.
I suppose this is due to my ADHD; people with ADHD are prone to all-or-nothing mindsets and have a hard time with the idea of maintaining order. We either clean ALL THE THINGS or NONE OF THE THINGS.
It took me many, many years to realize that there is a "good enough" spot where things are clean and reasonably orderly, but it isn't going to be 100% spotless and perfect - and it requires constant management to stay clean and reasonably orderly.
We work out of our home...so there is always something. Now, I take a small area, this morning it was the medicine cabinet. That's it. Yes, dishes after cooking or eating. Tomorrow I will take a drawer and do it, or the next day.
Differentiating normal “mess” from items that need a better home really reframes how to view your home. Thanks for sharing!
We love good systems for the home!
It seems to me that this essay describes a tidy home as opposed to a clean home. From my perspective, tidy means the stuff and clutter are put back in their proper spots whereas clean means all the grit and grime has been swept and wiped away.
When I was balancing a career and raising young children I adopted a "good enough" approach to cleaning and tidying rather than striving for perfection. I also felt that since we all contributed to creating the mess, we all needed to contribute to tidying and cleaning. It freed up a lot of time and head space so that I could focus on other things, like spending time with my children.
The toy-corner example is exactly the kind of feedback I wish parents felt allowed to trust.
For babies and toddlers, the "mess that talks" is often the movement setup too: if the same basket, cushion, or pull-up spot keeps migrating to the living room, the room may be telling you where the real play practice already happens.
You are supposed to design your house to function so that there is a mess allowable. You are supposed to be able to live in your home without constantly having to pick up an organize all of the time everything has a place and everyone in your home should know that everything has a place but it’s OK if it’s missing from that place and then it makes it art.